It's been a few months since i last posted...A lot has happened in that time.Iturned 30, graduated and started working again. It really only starts getting excited now only! I have found a man...Mr P. So far it seems like he's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Of course there are minor obstacles...well, actually they are sort not so minor but i have no choice but to find a way to deal with it. Why? See, i am pregnant! He knocked my ass up within 2 weeks of us being together!
I am so excited about this pregnancy! It is something I had completely given up on! i thought i would ever be pregnant! Why? Because i had 4 miscarriages and one of my doctors diagnosed me with infertility! Coupled with this was the fact that i had this habit of meeting men who are either involved or have kids somewhere along the line! Then along came Mr P...with his beautiful eyes and humble background...no baby-mama, no babies! and before i knew it, i found out that i was pregnant and my baby is still in my womb...growing strong every day-four months later.
As excited as i am there are moments where i am like "o fok, what have i done!"...but then again, i am turning 31 next month and it's about time i get me a baby and i love my man!
I also got a promotion! see, my baby is bringing nothing but good luck my way...
Friday, July 25, 2008
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Another downer
The past couple of days have been quite kak. I have hit another depression. I am not sure where it is coming from. Part of me thinks that it stems from the email from Mr B. We have been sharing erotic emails with each other and one night last week he called me and sort of told me about his gwans with medem and the pending divorce. It was the first time he opened up to me about it. Then the emails switched to the situation of him and I...Out of the blue he says in the email that to understand him better, i should marry him. I told him that he shouldnt be saying things like that because i could misinterpret that and think he is proposing to me and that he should take care of himself. He said that he has to take care of himself because he is waiting for me to come home from SA to marry him. I said i'd marry him without thinking twice about it but he needs to sort out his gwans. Then he said that he said that it is nice to hear that i would marry him without thinking twice. I wasnt comfortable with the direction our conversation was going and told him that we should revert back to the erotic emails and sent him an email telling him about an erotic dream i had of him. He replies by just saying that i should have a good day. WTF??? i told him pretty much that: that how can he justgive me a one line response to my email about the dream. He obviously didnt read the email...
It pisses me off because ihate the fact that he's giving me mixed signals...I really like him and want him but i am not sure if i can afford this yo-yo'ing of my emotions!!
I havent heard from him since Friday.
I think i should say my good byes but this time i need to tell him how i feel about all of it and give him my reasons. He can do with whatever he wants. He had told me that he wont give up on me that easily...Well, fuck that! I think he is being selfish!!!
Another reason for my depression is that i spoke to my sister about Mr B's proposal and she asked me whether that's what i want:a relationship. And i said to her yes i want a relationship. I want a Mr B in my life and that it doesnt necessarily mean it has to be this particular Mr B, but just the idea of him. She says to me that she doesnt think i am ready. WTF does she mean?? I said to her that i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. And that's true. I dont want to end up alone just because i havent found the right guy. I wonder if that's why i ended up with my terrible track record with affairs with taken men. Am i willing to settle for just anything because i dont want to be alone? I told her that i dont want to think about all of this now and that i have sort of compartmentalised that as well in the "deal with it later" compartment. That is not healthy, i know that!! Somehow, i left that lunch with her feeling that she spoke to me in a condescending manner and got very pissed off about that. That and the fact that her man is proving more and more to be a wuss...she must deal with her man and just leave me alone. it was one of those days again that i came to bed seriously regretting meeting my siblings.
I couldnt deal with that and got terrible drunk on my own that night...
The other reason for my depression is the slowly approaching end of the year. I am not getting anywhere with my studies. I dont think i will make it and the thought of it is driving me nuts!!! I failed tectonics and geophysics. That means that i need to have an average of 65% for the year. That's including my project. I can easily kick ass with my project if i spent more time on it or at least understood what i was doing...I dont have the support that i need and sort feel like just giving up!!!So far this semester, i have messed up an important module (hydrogeology)...Geomodelling can bring my average up a bit...the next two modules will mess it all up again...urghhhhhhh!!!!!! Why have i done this to myself???why did i come study this stupid thing!!! Two reasons stand out:i wanted to get out of that town and i wanted to prove to those fuckers that i too can do an honors! again, trying to please people this time to the detriment of my sanity!!!
I need to get away from all of this!
Yes, run away again!
I am not that strong!
I am alone in this world with nobody there to fall back on!!!
I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!
When will it be my turn to be happy?!?!
All i am asking for is a little happiness and love...unconditional love!
It pisses me off because ihate the fact that he's giving me mixed signals...I really like him and want him but i am not sure if i can afford this yo-yo'ing of my emotions!!
I havent heard from him since Friday.
I think i should say my good byes but this time i need to tell him how i feel about all of it and give him my reasons. He can do with whatever he wants. He had told me that he wont give up on me that easily...Well, fuck that! I think he is being selfish!!!
Another reason for my depression is that i spoke to my sister about Mr B's proposal and she asked me whether that's what i want:a relationship. And i said to her yes i want a relationship. I want a Mr B in my life and that it doesnt necessarily mean it has to be this particular Mr B, but just the idea of him. She says to me that she doesnt think i am ready. WTF does she mean?? I said to her that i dont want to be alone for the rest of my life. And that's true. I dont want to end up alone just because i havent found the right guy. I wonder if that's why i ended up with my terrible track record with affairs with taken men. Am i willing to settle for just anything because i dont want to be alone? I told her that i dont want to think about all of this now and that i have sort of compartmentalised that as well in the "deal with it later" compartment. That is not healthy, i know that!! Somehow, i left that lunch with her feeling that she spoke to me in a condescending manner and got very pissed off about that. That and the fact that her man is proving more and more to be a wuss...she must deal with her man and just leave me alone. it was one of those days again that i came to bed seriously regretting meeting my siblings.
I couldnt deal with that and got terrible drunk on my own that night...
The other reason for my depression is the slowly approaching end of the year. I am not getting anywhere with my studies. I dont think i will make it and the thought of it is driving me nuts!!! I failed tectonics and geophysics. That means that i need to have an average of 65% for the year. That's including my project. I can easily kick ass with my project if i spent more time on it or at least understood what i was doing...I dont have the support that i need and sort feel like just giving up!!!So far this semester, i have messed up an important module (hydrogeology)...Geomodelling can bring my average up a bit...the next two modules will mess it all up again...urghhhhhhh!!!!!! Why have i done this to myself???why did i come study this stupid thing!!! Two reasons stand out:i wanted to get out of that town and i wanted to prove to those fuckers that i too can do an honors! again, trying to please people this time to the detriment of my sanity!!!
I need to get away from all of this!
Yes, run away again!
I am not that strong!
I am alone in this world with nobody there to fall back on!!!
I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!
When will it be my turn to be happy?!?!
All i am asking for is a little happiness and love...unconditional love!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Post my 30th birthday...
OK, so where was I? I dont even remember so i will retrace to my birthday...
I was feeling down and found my self in a pretty deep, dark hole. So i phoned my girl in the Bay and she somma decided that she would buy me a ticket back home so that i don't have to be alone on my birthday! Gosh, i was so excited because really,the thought of having to spend my birthday here would have driven me completely over the edge!I would have OD'd on my Rescue Remedy!!! The other option was to go spend the weekend with Mnr Insecure and fam which still would have meant that on that Wednesday i would still be alone and still not have been able to break it down with my sister the way we want to volgens the shadow would either have tagged along or would have been quite bitter because we would have gone completely overboard again!
Anywho, so that morning, i skipped class and was at the airport bright and early at 8am! I somma even woke up feeling very happy with myself and ready to face the world! Arrived in the bay at about lunch time and hooked up with my girl, V, whom i haven't seen in ages! I just knew that greater things were to come...we went out that night and had a great time! Got home at 6 am! It was really a great night-we ended it by inviting mary jane to join us outside a club in the Bay...I struggled to get up on the Thursday, though...It's been a while!
Of course in the mean time, Mr B and I are constantly on the phone and i realise more and more that i am in love with him. This is bad!!! Very Bad!!! I am not even sure there is a turning back from here onwards. I suppose the only good thing is that i am not home and that when i am here, i can keep my self busy with other things other than trying to run up my emotions...and my phone bill!!!
Anyway, the Friday, i went to WHK, quite excited because i thought i would see Mr B since we texting each other all the time that i was on the road to whk...Sham, not a chance...I didn't see him, his phone just rang and i am like "here we go again"....weird enough is that i didn't feel anything about it, you know? like i wasnt angry or anything, i just let it be. I went to check out my girl's house in Kleine Kuppe and ended up sleeping there (too tired to drive back)...
Saturday, i went shopping with my sister and we sat for pizza. It is such a huge trip seeing my sister all grown up like this! Anywho, my brothers and sister decided to have a braai for me, so i went home .I must admit that at this point i was starting to have tiny anxiety attacks because i hadn't started working on the 10 page hydrogeology essay that was due on Monday. But, that afternoon, my familia (and i mean, all of them! even the once i hadn't seen in a long time)came over and we had a fab braai. That is until Grizzly Bear came to make her appearance! I don't like what my brother has been reduced to and got very emotional! My god,i was crying like someone had died! Then it hit me that i am once again way too involved in these people's lives! He made his bed, so he should lie in it, right? but it breaks my heart to see how unhappy he is. Or maybe he is happy with the set up...i don't know.
I have made a decision to leave it...let them sort it out on their own. He married her, didn't he?
We drank till the sun came up and i went to the airport still drinking. At some point, i think at around 5am, i decided to send Mr B an sms wishing him luck with his life and that he should leave me alone and basically thanking him for taking me for one big box...The kak is that i also told him that i have fallen for him!! what a way to own up to my own feelings-by sending a drunken sms to him!
As i was about to board the plane, he called me giving me some excuse that i wasn't ready to listen to right at that moment. I called him when i came here but then he started skieting, so i left it at that and passed out. 2 days later, he called and we had an intense conversation...I know he feels me...
last week i found myself getting involve in another siblings life. And for the second time in a very long time, i thought to myself that i regret getting to know my dad's children...i don't know what it is all i know is that i need to distance myself from them. It will be very difficult because i love them very much but i want to be on my own...far away where i don't know anyone...maybe i should immigrate for a while..I don't want to hear about their lives, jack-fokkol. It is draining me...
which brings me to my decision to go on a holiday...on my own...I want to travel to Europe, US and to the Caribbean islands...for at least 3 weeks...If i had the money, i would have booked my ticket now already...But toe maar, it will happen...soon!
Mr B proposed to me today...I told him to stop taking gat of me but he said that he is serious...well, i can now at least say I've had 4 marriage proposals in my life and then wonder why i am still alone? that is the million $ question...why cant men commit to me? or is it me?what? what? what? if i am good enough to be proposed to, why can it not happen....that's where my numerology report comes in: my report says that i become very good friends with my lovers and then they leave because they think all i can offer them is friendship...the report goes even further and says that i should become a nun...WHAT????I like thingssssssssss!
i will stop here...i am getting too depressed
I was feeling down and found my self in a pretty deep, dark hole. So i phoned my girl in the Bay and she somma decided that she would buy me a ticket back home so that i don't have to be alone on my birthday! Gosh, i was so excited because really,the thought of having to spend my birthday here would have driven me completely over the edge!I would have OD'd on my Rescue Remedy!!! The other option was to go spend the weekend with Mnr Insecure and fam which still would have meant that on that Wednesday i would still be alone and still not have been able to break it down with my sister the way we want to volgens the shadow would either have tagged along or would have been quite bitter because we would have gone completely overboard again!
Anywho, so that morning, i skipped class and was at the airport bright and early at 8am! I somma even woke up feeling very happy with myself and ready to face the world! Arrived in the bay at about lunch time and hooked up with my girl, V, whom i haven't seen in ages! I just knew that greater things were to come...we went out that night and had a great time! Got home at 6 am! It was really a great night-we ended it by inviting mary jane to join us outside a club in the Bay...I struggled to get up on the Thursday, though...It's been a while!
Of course in the mean time, Mr B and I are constantly on the phone and i realise more and more that i am in love with him. This is bad!!! Very Bad!!! I am not even sure there is a turning back from here onwards. I suppose the only good thing is that i am not home and that when i am here, i can keep my self busy with other things other than trying to run up my emotions...and my phone bill!!!
Anyway, the Friday, i went to WHK, quite excited because i thought i would see Mr B since we texting each other all the time that i was on the road to whk...Sham, not a chance...I didn't see him, his phone just rang and i am like "here we go again"....weird enough is that i didn't feel anything about it, you know? like i wasnt angry or anything, i just let it be. I went to check out my girl's house in Kleine Kuppe and ended up sleeping there (too tired to drive back)...
Saturday, i went shopping with my sister and we sat for pizza. It is such a huge trip seeing my sister all grown up like this! Anywho, my brothers and sister decided to have a braai for me, so i went home .I must admit that at this point i was starting to have tiny anxiety attacks because i hadn't started working on the 10 page hydrogeology essay that was due on Monday. But, that afternoon, my familia (and i mean, all of them! even the once i hadn't seen in a long time)came over and we had a fab braai. That is until Grizzly Bear came to make her appearance! I don't like what my brother has been reduced to and got very emotional! My god,i was crying like someone had died! Then it hit me that i am once again way too involved in these people's lives! He made his bed, so he should lie in it, right? but it breaks my heart to see how unhappy he is. Or maybe he is happy with the set up...i don't know.
I have made a decision to leave it...let them sort it out on their own. He married her, didn't he?
We drank till the sun came up and i went to the airport still drinking. At some point, i think at around 5am, i decided to send Mr B an sms wishing him luck with his life and that he should leave me alone and basically thanking him for taking me for one big box...The kak is that i also told him that i have fallen for him!! what a way to own up to my own feelings-by sending a drunken sms to him!
As i was about to board the plane, he called me giving me some excuse that i wasn't ready to listen to right at that moment. I called him when i came here but then he started skieting, so i left it at that and passed out. 2 days later, he called and we had an intense conversation...I know he feels me...
last week i found myself getting involve in another siblings life. And for the second time in a very long time, i thought to myself that i regret getting to know my dad's children...i don't know what it is all i know is that i need to distance myself from them. It will be very difficult because i love them very much but i want to be on my own...far away where i don't know anyone...maybe i should immigrate for a while..I don't want to hear about their lives, jack-fokkol. It is draining me...
which brings me to my decision to go on a holiday...on my own...I want to travel to Europe, US and to the Caribbean islands...for at least 3 weeks...If i had the money, i would have booked my ticket now already...But toe maar, it will happen...soon!
Mr B proposed to me today...I told him to stop taking gat of me but he said that he is serious...well, i can now at least say I've had 4 marriage proposals in my life and then wonder why i am still alone? that is the million $ question...why cant men commit to me? or is it me?what? what? what? if i am good enough to be proposed to, why can it not happen....that's where my numerology report comes in: my report says that i become very good friends with my lovers and then they leave because they think all i can offer them is friendship...the report goes even further and says that i should become a nun...WHAT????I like thingssssssssss!
i will stop here...i am getting too depressed
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I'm 30!
So this is it! I am 30 years old today! Very excited! I was depressed about it (or something) but i am looking forward to the rest of the year!
I am on my way to walvisbay where i will be dropping it like it's hot with Lani and then i'llbe off to windhoek for the weekend! I wonder if i'll see Mr B...maybe, maybe not...whatever the case may be! I am so looking forward, dis nogals nie snaaks nie!
I have a to board now...but watch this space!
ps, i read a numerology report on my name and birthday! Some disturbing but hilariuos finds! I'll write about that later!!
I am on my way to walvisbay where i will be dropping it like it's hot with Lani and then i'llbe off to windhoek for the weekend! I wonder if i'll see Mr B...maybe, maybe not...whatever the case may be! I am so looking forward, dis nogals nie snaaks nie!
I have a to board now...but watch this space!
ps, i read a numerology report on my name and birthday! Some disturbing but hilariuos finds! I'll write about that later!!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Four days before i turn 30...
I am lying in bed, drinking some red wine (a beautiful local Muratie Melck's Red, 2005 Merlot/Shiraz blend) and watching some movies...I am overwhelmed by loneliness...I just finished watching Jersey Girl and sunk in this depression...I dont want to be alone! I will be 30 in 4 days time and I am lonely...I am sort of emotionally blackmailing people to come here for my birthday! I have never been alone on my birthday and on this one, when i am suppose to be celebrating my a great number...I will be alone...lest we forget, i will be broke too...I am so miserable...
Got a sms from the Boy-Wonder on Thursday night...yes, the thing about Mr B is out and i was accused of being a home-wrecker...He asked me how i could stoop so low to be jumping a married man! It hit a nerve, somehow...I couldnt even respond to his text. i came home and had to think about what exactly about his text that bothered me the most: Is it the fact that now everyone in that stupid town knows about Mr B and I or the fact that this is becoming a pattern...especially at 30! I have been the other woman for as long as i can remember...Oh my God! I am the product of an affair that my mom and dad had! Yes, it might have been a passionate affair but the fact remains that my father was married!!! does this mean that i am re-living history? More specifically, my mom's history? If that is the case, does this mean that at this rate i will still be alone at 50, 20 years from now? I bloody hope not!!! At least my mom have my sister and i...I wonder if it's any coincidence that both my sister's father and mine were married? Gosh i need to see a shrink!
I am flirting with another married man (Mr Reunion dance)! he cant stop emailing me and is already fantasising about our reunion dance. I know i wont go there but somehow there is an excitement about it...although i feel lonely after wards...why cant these married men stay away from me!!!
I think i am in love with Mr B...yes i know it's too soon but after all this kak, i know that i still want him.I am such a motherfucking sad case! how do i get myself into this situations???more importantly, how the fuck do i get out of it??? I need to do something...find something to do that will get me out of this!
this is driving me nuts!
I dont want to grow old like this!
I dont want to not have children!
I dont want to die not having ever experienced that unconditional love that one has for a child or a child for you!!!
Got a sms from the Boy-Wonder on Thursday night...yes, the thing about Mr B is out and i was accused of being a home-wrecker...He asked me how i could stoop so low to be jumping a married man! It hit a nerve, somehow...I couldnt even respond to his text. i came home and had to think about what exactly about his text that bothered me the most: Is it the fact that now everyone in that stupid town knows about Mr B and I or the fact that this is becoming a pattern...especially at 30! I have been the other woman for as long as i can remember...Oh my God! I am the product of an affair that my mom and dad had! Yes, it might have been a passionate affair but the fact remains that my father was married!!! does this mean that i am re-living history? More specifically, my mom's history? If that is the case, does this mean that at this rate i will still be alone at 50, 20 years from now? I bloody hope not!!! At least my mom have my sister and i...I wonder if it's any coincidence that both my sister's father and mine were married? Gosh i need to see a shrink!
I am flirting with another married man (Mr Reunion dance)! he cant stop emailing me and is already fantasising about our reunion dance. I know i wont go there but somehow there is an excitement about it...although i feel lonely after wards...why cant these married men stay away from me!!!
I think i am in love with Mr B...yes i know it's too soon but after all this kak, i know that i still want him.I am such a motherfucking sad case! how do i get myself into this situations???more importantly, how the fuck do i get out of it??? I need to do something...find something to do that will get me out of this!
this is driving me nuts!
I dont want to grow old like this!
I dont want to not have children!
I dont want to die not having ever experienced that unconditional love that one has for a child or a child for you!!!
Monday, August 6, 2007
Babies etc
Inno gave birth on Thursday to a boy...apparently very tall boy...55cm. I still have a lot mixed feelings about the birth of that baby...I guess i could handle guitly and Shirley's pregnancies because i dont really see them all that much but Inno will be in my face when ever i go home! I will die seeing and hearing a baby in that house...especially since it is not mine!
Well, anyway, another leo it is...on the 2nd of august we got a male addition to our family...yeah!
I think I have come down from this Mr B high I was on...he is perfect....too perfect...but now i cant help but think he might be too perfect...so perfect that i am seeing way too much into this than what i actually should be...I should just accept the fact that he is not mine, probably wont be for a while to come and meet him again with a new slate...or what's that saying?
I cant stop thinking about him, though...And i know it's way too soon to say that i am in love with him...Lord have mercry!!! i know he's feeling me as well but is this what i really want? this "you know what you are getting yourself into" mambo-jumbo? Ek weet darem nie...I dont hear from him for a day and i freak out because "maybe he is with the medem"...I mean, let's just talk about that for one split second!They still live together...and the whole thing is a bit dodgy for me, if you'll ask me...how do you sue for divorce after just 3 years? surely it's a thing that can be just sorted out? Then what do i do? No Sana, i think i will have to slowly say goodbye to this one as well...
Oh but it is so nice!!!!
I love the way he makes me feel!...when he's with me, that is...
oh, why does it have to be so difficult???
Well, anyway, another leo it is...on the 2nd of august we got a male addition to our family...yeah!
I think I have come down from this Mr B high I was on...he is perfect....too perfect...but now i cant help but think he might be too perfect...so perfect that i am seeing way too much into this than what i actually should be...I should just accept the fact that he is not mine, probably wont be for a while to come and meet him again with a new slate...or what's that saying?
I cant stop thinking about him, though...And i know it's way too soon to say that i am in love with him...Lord have mercry!!! i know he's feeling me as well but is this what i really want? this "you know what you are getting yourself into" mambo-jumbo? Ek weet darem nie...I dont hear from him for a day and i freak out because "maybe he is with the medem"...I mean, let's just talk about that for one split second!They still live together...and the whole thing is a bit dodgy for me, if you'll ask me...how do you sue for divorce after just 3 years? surely it's a thing that can be just sorted out? Then what do i do? No Sana, i think i will have to slowly say goodbye to this one as well...
Oh but it is so nice!!!!
I love the way he makes me feel!...when he's with me, that is...
oh, why does it have to be so difficult???
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I think i found him........!
I'm back from Oranjemund...It's been an interesting past 3 weeks! Now let me remind you again that this blog is called "New Beginnings" ...and it's for a reason: I knew that this year weird things would be happening to me!!! On the day i arrived in Oranjemund, I was pretty stoned out of my mind, but i think that by the time in omd, the high had subsided a bit...Anyway, Phillip collected me at the airport and i asked for his car because i needed to sort out my sim card...i arrived at the shop and saw him...our eyes locked for abt 5 sec...and it was game over!!! he help me and i couldnt stop staring at him...I think he's collegue notice because she handed me over to him without even blinking...I left the shop and all i could think of is that i need to meet him...I asked around about him but nobody had seen him...So I left it at that and had quite a raucous night with the girls! It was hectic! Anyway, the following day i went to a braai with the girls but i was so tired! And then he walked in there with the boys! Sham! Again,eye contact and then it was game over! I kept on telling Sam to get out of my way because he was blocking my view! Hanakam, in the meantime, u-brother man is checking me out too! That night, i convinced Phillip that we need to go make a turn at the club! This very me who was complaining about exhaustion the whole night! Of course i knew that he was going there too...We met and started talking...he asked me to dance with him and i was holding my earings in my hands and he took it from me (or did i give them to him?Hmm)...anyway, he was in possesion of my ear rings by the time he left the club...The following day, i zulad for his number, some people wouldnt give it to me-a certain wambo who's name begins with and S and surname with an A-, but i managed to get hold of it and text him the sunday night...the texting started at about 6 pm on sunday and ended at about 1 am on Monday morning...the attraction was there but i was scared to meet him because when i thought about it, i actually orchestrated this whole thing since i had seen him at the shop on the Tuesday when i arrived in town...Now that i was about to "succeed" in my quest, i was ready to chicken out...but something told me to carry through with it so we decided to meet on the Thursday....Mind you, at this point in time, i had known this guy for all of FOUR days, if you take into consideration the days when i actually STARTED talking to this guy(saturuday) and here i was ready to meet him on the Thursday! Anyway, so we met...i cooked a little something-something (which Phillip and Jessica almost killed!)...i had some wine, he had some beer...and we spoke...forever...but it felt like the time was moving at its own, slow pace...he said he'd give me a back rub and...we spoke for a bit longer and he asked me something (Good God! I cant remember what he'd asked me)...i was trying to answer it but, i remember, looking down and then...he kissed me....Sana, everything melted...I was liquid everywhere...It was so nice! I cant remember the last time someone held me like that! Shit i dont know if anyone has ever held me like that! Kissed me like that...touched me like that! Oh my God! I was listening to him and all i could think is that "I want this boy!".And he cuddles and plays and he accepts my ankle, without bitching! ( I have this thing of that if i am sleeping with someone, my ankle need to be between their ankles-usually people bitch about it...but he didnt)...It was so nice! Except the part were we stop because i wanted to confirm his marital status...and he did...and there was a brief "what now" moment...and...We woke up the next day, and without even realising, i am parading my naked ass aroung him... and he his...we kissed good bye and all i could thinking about was this boy! It was game over ever since...we've been chatting every since and last weekend...wow...I WANT THIS BOY...I want everthing that he is...and i orchestrated all of this...double wow!!!Our goodbye on sunday was sad...i was so deur mekaar...i was worried about him and just missed him so damn much!but i knew i'd see him soon...or at least hear from him soon...his phone was off because he left his charger behind...so when his text came through yesterday morning...i was in seventh heaven...then i didnt hear from him last night and i was like...here we go again...and then he called me today....It was so nice...Bottom Line: I WANT THIS BOY....I dont know how...but...
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