Post my 30th birthday...

OK, so where was I? I dont even remember so i will retrace to my birthday...

I was feeling down and found my self in a pretty deep, dark hole. So i phoned my girl in the Bay and she somma decided that she would buy me a ticket back home so that i don't have to be alone on my birthday! Gosh, i was so excited because really,the thought of having to spend my birthday here would have driven me completely over the edge!I would have OD'd on my Rescue Remedy!!! The other option was to go spend the weekend with Mnr Insecure and fam which still would have meant that on that Wednesday i would still be alone and still not have been able to break it down with my sister the way we want to volgens the shadow would either have tagged along or would have been quite bitter because we would have gone completely overboard again!

Anywho, so that morning, i skipped class and was at the airport bright and early at 8am! I somma even woke up feeling very happy with myself and ready to face the world! Arrived in the bay at about lunch time and hooked up with my girl, V, whom i haven't seen in ages! I just knew that greater things were to come...we went out that night and had a great time! Got home at 6 am! It was really a great night-we ended it by inviting mary jane to join us outside a club in the Bay...I struggled to get up on the Thursday, though...It's been a while!

Of course in the mean time, Mr B and I are constantly on the phone and i realise more and more that i am in love with him. This is bad!!! Very Bad!!! I am not even sure there is a turning back from here onwards. I suppose the only good thing is that i am not home and that when i am here, i can keep my self busy with other things other than trying to run up my emotions...and my phone bill!!!

Anyway, the Friday, i went to WHK, quite excited because i thought i would see Mr B since we texting each other all the time that i was on the road to whk...Sham, not a chance...I didn't see him, his phone just rang and i am like "here we go again"....weird enough is that i didn't feel anything about it, you know? like i wasnt angry or anything, i just let it be. I went to check out my girl's house in Kleine Kuppe and ended up sleeping there (too tired to drive back)...

Saturday, i went shopping with my sister and we sat for pizza. It is such a huge trip seeing my sister all grown up like this! Anywho, my brothers and sister decided to have a braai for me, so i went home .I must admit that at this point i was starting to have tiny anxiety attacks because i hadn't started working on the 10 page hydrogeology essay that was due on Monday. But, that afternoon, my familia (and i mean, all of them! even the once i hadn't seen in a long time)came over and we had a fab braai. That is until Grizzly Bear came to make her appearance! I don't like what my brother has been reduced to and got very emotional! My god,i was crying like someone had died! Then it hit me that i am once again way too involved in these people's lives! He made his bed, so he should lie in it, right? but it breaks my heart to see how unhappy he is. Or maybe he is happy with the set up...i don't know.

I have made a decision to leave it...let them sort it out on their own. He married her, didn't he?

We drank till the sun came up and i went to the airport still drinking. At some point, i think at around 5am, i decided to send Mr B an sms wishing him luck with his life and that he should leave me alone and basically thanking him for taking me for one big box...The kak is that i also told him that i have fallen for him!! what a way to own up to my own feelings-by sending a drunken sms to him!

As i was about to board the plane, he called me giving me some excuse that i wasn't ready to listen to right at that moment. I called him when i came here but then he started skieting, so i left it at that and passed out. 2 days later, he called and we had an intense conversation...I know he feels me...

last week i found myself getting involve in another siblings life. And for the second time in a very long time, i thought to myself that i regret getting to know my dad's children...i don't know what it is all i know is that i need to distance myself from them. It will be very difficult because i love them very much but i want to be on my own...far away where i don't know anyone...maybe i should immigrate for a while..I don't want to hear about their lives, jack-fokkol. It is draining me...

which brings me to my decision to go on a holiday...on my own...I want to travel to Europe, US and to the Caribbean islands...for at least 3 weeks...If i had the money, i would have booked my ticket now already...But toe maar, it will happen...soon!

Mr B proposed to me today...I told him to stop taking gat of me but he said that he is serious...well, i can now at least say I've had 4 marriage proposals in my life and then wonder why i am still alone? that is the million $ question...why cant men commit to me? or is it me?what? what? what? if i am good enough to be proposed to, why can it not happen....that's where my numerology report comes in: my report says that i become very good friends with my lovers and then they leave because they think all i can offer them is friendship...the report goes even further and says that i should become a nun...WHAT????I like thingssssssssss!

i will stop here...i am getting too depressed