My sad history with men...

I have not heard from Tamali,so i guess i wont be seeing him...does everything have to be so tough! I mean why cant i just find a guy who will meet my criteria???i know that sounds harsh but i want my "high school loves" back!!! and with that i dont mean getting my high school boyfriend back (he is soooooo married with twins etc!) but that time in my life was great...love was so effortless and came naturally! Then i grew up and realised that you have to do so much work! then when you do, shit gets too hectic and you are not appreciated! Take my relationship with that idiot (let's call him Monster cos that's what he became) for example. He completely swept me off my feet in my first year...then within 6 months i got too involved! he liked it and just didnt appreciate it anymore...I should have left then already! But noooooooooo...Medem thought she was in love and that she has finally found The One! just to be confronted by one challenge after the next! First, he has a son with this hectic cow. She made sure my life with him was unbearable and i grinned and beared it! Of course he expected me to bear it because "you are from a similar background"! and i sort of justified it by saying that of course i am from the same background (siblings from same father but different mommies) but my goodness, my mothers never bitched with each other! But, wait for it, i found out that he is married! this after 3 years of being with him! I was very innocently clearing out the study, just to come across a prenup between the baby-mama and him! Upon confrontation,he got so angry and asked me why the hell i am going through his things! I should have left then...but nooooooooooooo....I was in love and thought he's The One! Then he started beating me! Of course, at first, i thought nothing of it because just a shove but the day he beat almost to a pulp and smashed my head with a 12kg dumbell, i knew i had to leave! I was going through the "Boiled frog syndrom"...at that point i had allowed him to control every thing in my life! Most importantly, he had control over my finances! In the mean time i had miscarried 3 times ( i still believe that that was by God's Grace! I know that sounds terrible but i know know God loves me and that He didnt want that man to be part of my life!).So i, very painfully, endured 3 more months of that kak and upon graduation took my kadundu and ran home were i was in a secure environment! His world "fell apart" because this "village girl" that he was trying to panel beat into his ideal, subservient wife left him! In fact, i think he's words were somewhere in the line of " I am embarassed! So embarassed! what will my friends say"! can you imagine! the same friends who all knew that he was married! As a matter of fact, one of them (who was at the house every weekend! in fact we spent a weekend with his wife and him) was involved in every step of the Lobola negotiations for the baby-mama! His mother starts calling me and telling me that i should take her son back because he is busy losing his mind! Let's just talk about that! Which woman, in her right mind, will tolerate and allow her son to treat another womans child the way her son treated me!She knew that he was married! When i asked her she said that they dont want the baby-mama in their family and that i am the one they want! I just laughed and hung up on her! That's all i could do, short of swearing at her!

That was the Monster...After him, i guess i was on a hectic rebound and needed to feel secure/safe, but what it was led me straight in the arms of the Poet... Very sweet and gentle guy...he wrote poems for me...loved the nature, the works!...and fine as hell! But guess what? He had 4 children and...wait for it...MARRIED as well! I felt like i was being punished for something! I mean what the hell were the chances of me jumping from one kak hole to the next???I endured him for about a year and told him to bounce! He freaked me out a little...He's an ex-cop and had this very suspicious nature about him that made me very uncomfortable because i still believe that his suspicions could have been a precursor for potential violence!

Then I decided to leave this man rubbish for a while! Or rather...if there was a man game to be played, i decided to do it on my own terms...like back in the day, when i still had control over my life! and boy, did i have fun! the funny thing about it was that i got involved with younger guys and i met the Boy-Wonder...It was fun in the beginning but got a bit sketchy and confusing towards the end...But he's my boy, though...we both realised that we are better off as friends and i regard him as one of my best friends today.

I wont even talk about the other one ( a result of my rebound from my friend-lover-best friend experience)...

Then i took a break (a hiatus in geological terms!)...I met Tamali under the most intriguing circumstances...too beautiful a story(in my view, anyway).This guy popped up 4 times in my life over a period of 3 months but something always stopped us from talking to each other. I didnt even know his name but funny enough, on the last day in the town we met, i found out that he was working at the mine i was seconded to! I immediately asked my assistant (she's become such a great friend of mine!) about him and she told me that, if we are talking about the same guy ( i described him to her and mentioned that he has the most beautiful eyes and smile) then she thinks that it's the same guy who has been bugging her about me since i arrived on the mine! What the fuck were the chances! I had to meet him! So i did something completely outof character! I (illegaly) found out his name and surname! Unfortunately the information also came with his date of birth! His age completely burst my little bubble and i left the mine without making an efford to get hold of him! That and the fact that I have never done the "Hi, remember me?" phone calls before in my life! Then the weirdest thing happened 3 months later: I went home on my annual leave...on the second day of my leave, a friend invited me for a drink and she picked me up. However, after she picked me up at our house, we made a brief stop at a house down the street from my house...and there he was again! I was "like noo! this cant be happening! I have to meet this guy" but because i was such a coward, i didnt get out of the car! The next day, i met another friend for lunch at Spur and...there he was again! Sham! We, again, didnt say anything to each other...just some hectic eye-contact and when he left, he passed by our table and said hi! Like a fool, i just mumbled a hi and he left...When i got back to my place, at the end of my leave, a friend from the town he's from, called me up to asked me whether i dont want to go visit her and i told her that i am never returning to that town since there is a guy in that town that i am obviously NEVER suppose to meet! she asked me about it and i told her the whole story and he said she will search for him and get me his numbers! Within an hour she send me a sms with 2 numbers...I saved one number on my phone and told her that when i have the courage (probably after i mary jane!) i will call him! I didnt have to because that night she went out, ran into him and gave him my number! so 3 months later, after having quite a hard time to get hold of my number, he calls me up at 1h30 am! We have been on the phone since then but i had to come here this year so, again, something came up and we never met! Now isnt that crazy?!We eventually met in March this year and it was great! I spent a weekend with him...but he is a challenge!He is so young but what's great about him is that i like the way he makes me feel...hearing his voice lifts my spirit somehow;he makes me laugh and for some weird reason i dont feel the need to impress him like i do when i meet guys my age..! May i should listen to what the Universe is telling me! Only young guys have been popping up in my life, and since this is a year of New Beginnings, I should just let it go and let it flow...Let go of my inhibitions and JUST DO IT! Damn!

Ironically, I am listening to Milli Vanilli's (remember them!!!) "i'm gonna miss u"! I think it's a sign to say goodbye to him...or maybe not...he still intrigues me so much!I am meeting up with him in 3 weeks again...this time on my turf...my place...we'll see how that goes...

Later!