So, i am done with the exams...it's over and i dont really want to talk about except for the fact that the GIS paper rocked as well. it's confirmed: i am NOT a geologist!
anyway, i am so broke and completely freaked out about because i have to rely on other people again!What is it with my "friends"?Apparently my cousin gave some money to my friend deposit it in my account on Friday because i need it for tomorrow's excursion...The money never found its way to me...why? because my friend though that he needed the money more than i did...See, he needed to drink and my need was pushed to the bottom of the list...It hurts so much...Oriah mountain Dreamer said something about the reason why betrayal from a friend of loved one hurts so much is because you have learnt to trust that person...with a lot of things...and when you cant trust your friends, who are you suppose to rely on? In my case, it will have to be my sister...I love her with all my heart and, yes, she has hurt me in her own way in the past but it's ok...i understand-just like i usually do...I always understand....
Well i am sick of understanding...when will it be my turn? When will i have to be seen as "she is being her...it's expected of her to react this way because it's her Character"? i dont know if i am making sense right now...but i wish people could see how much they hurt me...that i am not that strong person that they are jealous of and constantly want to hurt...I keep on thinking it's my fault...my sister said to me the other day that i live a different life to my friends and so when they hurt me, I act all surprise?At first i was thinking "what the fuck does she mean?"...to a certain extend i am still wondering about that...but more importantly, i am starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, there is some truth to it...am I living a lie to my friends? Why do they all think that i can handle the kak they are throwing my way? Let's start with Grace...What in her right mind besiel'd her to go there...did she really think i would not mind her blabbing my business to those very people i dont give a shit about? Did i, at any point in my life since knowing her, give her the impression that it will be ok for my stories to be known by every one? Did the fact that i was being so open to her and being so honest with her give her the impression that i wouldnt mind if she spread the word about me? What? Or did she intentionally wanted to hurt...Did she think i would just laugh it off and say "oh hey, let's have another vodka?"...do i really appear to be that shallow?....that never minded?
Phillip????Even him?Not deposit the money for me because you felt you wanted to go and get drunk instead? I wouldnt mind? What the fuck is all this about????
I cant take this anymore! I feel terrible because i took out my annoyance on my nephew today...but he is also to much that child!I would have "rescue-remedied" his ass if i had it on me! Let's not even talk about it his friend!
I need to get out of here...out of this space! now i am going on this god-forsaken trip for 2 weeks with these kids and i dont even have my mary jane...I am UPSETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
Why cant things ever work themselves out for me?I really can not take this anymore! i am tired! I am tired! i am tired of this bullshit!
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